Madison asks: “I want to lose weight to impress this hot guy in my biology class but there are so many diet plans out there I don’t know which to follow. Any suggestions?”

Ask Red says: Get a coin out of your pants pocket and flip it. Heads: it’s the Taco Bell minced ground beef and shredded iceberg lettuce diet. Tails: you’re heading down to the Subway for the salted deli meat plan. Both fast food joints claim to sell waist-shrinking foods and we all know to trust diet ads on TV. Think Valerie Bertinelli, Marie Osmond and Kristie Alley. These women swell up like summer road kill every two years or so only to find some miracle diet that brings them down Lane Bryant sizes which they are proud to tell you about on the tube. If you don’t think you can shed the lbs. before the semester is over under these programs, however, find the ether in the biology lab, knock the dude out and have your way with him.