Blake asks: My wife has me on a no-bread diet. Can I eat lunchmeat right from the deli bag? I mean, why dirty a dish for nothing?

Ask Red says:  Eat the plastic bag, too while you are at it. That way you might choke and put yourself out of your own misery. What the hell kinda of fad diet doesn’t permit you to enjoy the staff of life? It’s not your taste for sourdough that’s turning you into the Michelin Man. It is the other excesses of which you can’t let go. Eating healthy is all about balance; not swinging the gastronomical pendulum from one side to the other. You already know all of this but are looking for the easy way out. Unfortunately, that route takes you to a prime parking spot at Wal-Mart and its electric carts with huge baskets hanging from them.

Night Shift adds: Absolutely.  You're having what is called in Atkins veracular a "handwich" which is ok in my book.  Since it's also carbolicious, she's probably taken away your beer too.  So additionally, I approve of drinking wine right out of the bottle.  But never, ever roll up the luchmeat and use it as a straw to drink your wine.  It leaks when the pimento falls out of the olive loaf into the bottle.