Franklin asks: “I have a somewhat embarrassing medical condition -- a boil for the ages. I am seriously considering contacting the “Guiness Book of World Records” about it.  What's worse is that everything I have tried to do – apply creams lotions, etc. – to get rid of it has failed, and I am too shy to go see my doctor about this.  Did mention that it is located near my privates? HELP!”

Ask Red says: It’s time for a reality check, Franklin. This isn’t about the pustule festering down by your business. Lance the thing, watch it blow like an Icelandic volcano and you’re cured. Franklin, your cry for help isn’t about a pimple on steroids. It is about the fact that you aren’t getting laid and you’re using the boil as the fall guy. The real problem is that your name is “Franklin.” You can’t work the bar scene dropping that “f-bomb” and expect any action. My advice is to head down to the courthouse and have your name changed to something like Garth. You do that and the boil won’t be the only thing erupting down south.

Night Shift says: Franklin, you aren’t going to be able to just rub this one out with a little cream like you do the other problems in the vicinity.  No - this is going to hurt, probably a lot.  That third lap lump has to be skewered and drained.  Either you can do it or a better idea would be to see a doctor, preferably one out of town who you won’t run into at the VFW later.  There are a few videos on Youtube that you can reference that are real stomach turners, so you may want to take a look at what you’re in for and decide if you are up for the job.