BY JEFF SMYTH
A few weeks ago The Usual Suspects looked at the issues involved with carving a 51st state out of Southern Illinois such as where to draw the northern border and where to place the capital. I received so much feedback in support of a maverick state that I believe it worthy of continued discussion.
Since I’m helping to tout this 51st state idea I am selfishly going to name myself to a position in its government. No, I don’t want to be governor. I don’t quality anyway since I lack a criminal record. I’m going the follow the lead of Illinois’ native son (via Hawaii and Malaysia) who has a czar for everything including one to keep track of just how many czars there are.
Now, to choose an area of focus and should I spell my title “czar” or “tsar”? After lengthy contemplation (ok, as long as it took to down a shot and a beer) I’ve decided to proclaim myself the Language Czar.
It is a perfect fit for, when it comes to language, the differences between Southern Illinoisans and the denizens of the north can’t be starker. I’m not just referring to our drawl compared to their nasally screeches. No, down where the hard road meets the blacktop we speak in a different tongue. To preserve the purity of our culture we need a czar to prevent “northern” words or phrases from corrupting us.
As my first official act as Language Czar I will create the official language of Southern Illinois dictionary. For this and to be thorough, “A-bleev I need yer hep.”
I’ve compiled some words and phrases but am counting on you to add to the list. Check that, as czar I decree that you help me. Here’s what I have:
- Tump: to topple
- Warsh: to clean with water
- Zink: the place you warsh yer dishes
- Dreen: the hole at the bottom of the zink
- Sodee: the carbonated beverage the call “pop” up north
- Ink pen: a writing instrument
- Hard road: a paved road that connects to a blacktop
- Blacktop: a paved road that connects to a highway
- Taters: spuds
- Maters: tomatoes
- Kern: corn not the Perry County clerk
- Git: as in “git ya one”
- Ain’t right: something out of the ordinary
- You’uns: more than one person
- Chat: not talking but gravel
- Pertinear: as in almost
- Right quick: ASAP, STAT, fast
- House shoes: slippers
- Spatsies: sparrows
- Dreen: the hole at the bottom of the zink
- Lookie: as in look at this
- Scooch: move
- Kin-a-hip-ya?: May I help you?
- How the hog ate the cabbage: talk frankly
It is a good start but I’m sure that if we all put our heads together we can do more than form a rock pile and expand on the list. Post your additions below. Thanks and gah-by.
